Just a scribble

Am sitting in my room

Wondering what to do

Hmmmm….

Maybe I should pick a book and read

Or I could watch some documentaries on my iPad

Hmmmm…

Am sitting on my chair

Wondering what to do…. 

maybe I should write something….

Yes…. that’s it…. write something.

Am doing it now. 👌🏾

Voice of the Heart

My heart swam

in the words

gathered by the wind.

My voice sprang

to the tomorrow

carried by the clouds.

My heart trembled

in a mirror

swaying the moon.

The stars overflowed

in a stream

of gentle tears.

My heart flowed

through a mirror

blurred by the moon.

The stars swayed

and overflowed

with tears they cannot hide.

 

– Mia

Glamorous

Deep sky cavorts

in circles

outside my open window.

What meaning

is there

in these repetitive days?

I want to cross that rainbow

and go back

to that morning.

To those glamorous days

when our dreams aligned

and we walked together.

I want to collect

those stars

and decorate my heart.

In those glamorous days

our dreams connected

and we danced together.

– Mia

Moment

That moment

when you open up

that vial

and you pour

it in half.

That moment

when you carry on

just to see

that you’re split

in half.

That moment

when all you desire

turns from ashes

to ashes

and from dust

to dust.

That moment

when all the darkness

fades away

and gives in

to hope

truly true hope.

                                                                      – Mia

 

 

Please

Please don’t search for my father’s name as you’ll find what my family looks like and I can’t afford to tell you why am I hiding it.

Please don’t ask for my sexual orientation as you’ll find it’s difficult for me to love and I can’t afford to have explanation on it.

Please don’t ask for my faith as you’ll find it hard to believe me and I can’t afford any preaches to you.

But please, don’t leave me hanging as you’ll find it hard for me to not thinking of you and I can’t afford to say a good bye.

So please, I am begging you to stay by my side without asking me those things I never want to answer.

AD

ANTHONY HAWTHORNE

It’s in the end of December when we received a call from Mr. Penelope, informing us that the school will be re-open on the third week of January. I think that I am the happiest girl in the town but wait, not really happy because of the winter snow actually made the school building in damage. I guess?

So, I walk to my friend’s house just to enjoy our daily Skyrim routine at his own room. I knock the door and Mrs. Hawthorne is the one who welcoming me and said, “Oh dear, it’s freezing cold outside you should just come inside the house. Anthony is waiting for you”

Mrs. Hawthorne is my mother’s friend, so, I literally know this family since kid so I have been closed with Anthony since I don’t know when. Mr. Hawthorne is the mayor of my town. So I always not see him in the house except from 6:30 p.m.

I came to Anthony’s room and he’s binge watching a new movie which I don’t know the title because 1. Anthony will never tell, 2. who cares.

“oi, stop dreaming, Miss Stuck-in-the-moment” Anthony snapped out of me. I come to reach his head for always calling me names but he hold me close and hug me saying, “I am glad you’re still alive, Maddie”

what????

Oh, my name is Madeline, Anthony calls me Maddie, Parents called me Madoodle and I have no other friends other than Anthony.I have always been keeping my circle that small, Anthony is the only friend because I have never been with other friends because people just don’t like me?

Anthony is tall, with his always have my nice hair just in case there’s the hottest girl in town coming through the door which always been only in his dream, and….

“again with your daydreaming?” and the pillow landed on my head perfectly.

The only thing that I can do is just to smile insincerely and get my things ready. We play Skyrim the whole day and it’s a total silence. I don’t know what he’s been to these few days and he will always keep himself zipping his mouth and every time I ask him “what’s up?” he will always say “nothing” without looking at me.

So I decide not to ask him now because I know his answer.

It’s almost 8p.m. and it’s already dark. Mrs. Hawthorne will always ask me to stay longer for dinner but she also always know my answer. “No, thanks. My mum will wait for me”

This time around Anthony decided to send me home but it’s just strange because my house is only a few steps ahead. Anthony took his sweater and his cap and we walk side by side. When we are in front of my doorstep, he suddenly say “Maddie, I am sorry” “for what?” “nothing,I just wanted to say sorry”and there he goes back to his house.

I had my dinner with my mum and my mind isn’t there because Anthony has been acting up weirdly and I guess he is just not in the mood. My mother realize what happened so she asked me, what’s wrong and why didn’t I tell her since the day he started to be reticent.

After dinner I just wanted to clean myself and I go straight to my bed. I can’t sleep the whole night thinking what’s wrong and is it my fault. I doze off late.

So, I wake up late the next day and I realized things are not the same. I didn’t wear anything the same like I did last night and it’s not winter anymore. I don’t bother whatever happened so I think I should change my clothe and straight to Anthony’s house.

When I get into the kitchen, I told my mum that I am going to Anthony’s house early just because I feel like it and mum gave me a weird face.

“who’s Anthony? and where does he live?”

I am stuck like a glue knowing my mother doesn’t know who Anthony is. “Mr. and Mrs. Hawthorne one and only child?”

“and who are they?”

Again, I’m in shock. “your friends?”

My mum give me another weird look and say, “the only person that I knew in this town has been moving away since you’re young. I know Mr and Mrs Hawthorne but they moved away because their son… I don’t remember his name passed away when he was 3?”

The statement that my mum just tell really, really shook me up. I don’t know what to say, I don’t know what to ask. I am speechless.

I am curious about where I always been and I go to the place where I believe Anthony lives. So, I walk to the place as usual and this is what I found, the house isn’t there but all there is – the graveyard. Then, I am about to ask a man that I believe is a bodyguard at this graveyard anything he knows but he is the one who approach me first.

“Young lady, what are you doing here? you always talk to one of the tomb til 8 and you even talk about games.” he exclaimed.

I’m in awe and take a few steps back. That’s the last day of my life.

*****

Remember when I said the school will re-open on the third week of school? When I said the school is on damage? this is a real thing back in 13 years back, it was the day that Mrs. Hawthorne took Anthony to school and  Mr Hawthorne was in his duty as the mayor and promised to be back at 6:30 pm.

The weather was bad and the winter snow we thought was actually a hurricane. Mrs. Hawthorne saved her own life leaving that poor Anthony behind in the office. Since then, she had depression and decided to leave Tellville. She died soon after she stayed in her new house for few months. Mr Hawthorne died a year after  by taking his own life.

Time of death? the three of them died at the same time. 7:06 am, (6 hours 66 minutes).

Why me? well, my mother had an affair with Mr Hawthorne and Anthony’s date of death is the same date of my birth.

yours truly,
Madeline Hawthorne.

AD

A correlation

Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening

Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.
My litte horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year 
He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound’s the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.

The woods are lovely, dark and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep
This has got to be my most favourite poem ever by Robert Frost. I learned this piece of poetry in the early 90’s when I was in university. I remembered my professor that time was so passionate in reciting this piece. He said that by really immersing yourself in the words, it would transcend you to that moment in the poem. I guess he was right… every time I read this poem, I feel like I’m there ; the traveller with my horse, in that snowy part of the woods.
When i correlate it to my own life, I feel that my life’s story is similar to the protagonist in the poem…
“Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.”
This stanza is me staring at my life from the eyes of an educationist… Looking at students in a classroom, staring and observing my students who are unaware of my critical scrutiny of them. Looking at how students behave and conduct themselves in learning, wondering whether they comprehend instructions and questions thrown at them, observing their antics and how they carry themselves in class. At times I wonder…do they get what I’m saying, would they apply what I’ve instructed them to do, would they be successful, would they make it in this world…I wonder and wonder and wonder.
“My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and a frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year”
Being an educator, there are dark times and there are happy times. In all  my teaching career, most of them are happy times. The happy times are just like “the woods”…all green , all fresh, smell of wood and the crisp smell of pines and cool air. This would normally be the time when I would be able to achieve my teaching objectives…all is good, all is up to date. Most of the time, the happy times were not realy significant to me because I grow as an educator from the dark times; the frozen lake. The bad reviews are like water to a plant…it gives life, it regenerates withered leaves or roots, it refreshes the flower… instead of wallowing in the rut of disappoinment, I would tell myself…it’s time to get out of this ‘darkest evening’ and move on. “Improve yourself Becky”…my mantra. A mantra that never fails to inspire me and to shrug off any forms of defeat. Any educator will feel the blow of defeat after trying our hardest in teaching and imparting knowledge and yet we fail to change students’ perception towards study and life. But do we give up?…NO we do not. So what did we do then?
We give “our harness bells a shake”.
“He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake
The only other sound’s the sweep
of easy wind and downy flake”
Yes….we woke up and faced reality that they would be some students who would reach the stars and some who won’t even make it to the clouds. Those who reached the stars…bravo. Those who do not…give them a good piece of advice and send them packing. I believe that everyone charts their own destiny and path. You are the master of your own fate. So paint the sky with your own colours.
Nevertheless, would I STOP teaching, changing minds, changing fates, changing concepts, challenging YOU? Of course not!
“The woods are lovely, dark and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep
And miles to go before I sleep.”

I have promises to keep to myself….I’m an educator for a reason. My calling is to spread CHANGE. Change for the better. My work is not done and I fear it will never be done. An educator is like a mother’s role…never ending, never ceasing. “I have miles to go before I sleep”. Quitting and giving up on students is the easiest thing to do. The thing is…I’m not a quitter…I’m a FIGHTER. And I will keep fighting until I can send a message home to each student who goes through my door THAT …“the way to success is when YOU challenge yourself to be different and eventually makes a different in everything and everyone around you”.   

Beck Raphael

Cookie

She was sweet,

but eaten away

of her goodness,

by society.

Crushed

and crumbled,

she became

like a cookie.

She was odd,

friendly

but bold,

a warm heart

of all sorts.

A rookie

in life,

but unique

and strong

like a wookie.

                                                                      – Mia

Bipolar Girlfriend

Lilly had split personalities.

One, an innocent angel. She would be kind and loving. She would smile like the world is full of happiness. She would love to make friends with everyone… But why is everyone avoiding her? The only one who stay by her side was her handsome boyfriend, Scott. A gentleman he was, always be there to be her knight in the shining armour, or so she believed. 

So once upon a (maybe) love story, Lilly had just returned from her trip to Iceland. She was a geologist and was summoned to Iceland to see if her company’s decision to exploit the geothermal energy is worth the investment. She was supposed to be in Iceland for another 2 weeks but she managed to get her 3 days off to come back to Britain. She wanted to make a birthday surprise for her everlasting lover. 

She drove to his apartment after purchasing a birthday cake for him. It would only be both of them celebrating his birthday, since 6 years ago, it had always been that way. She was very excited because Scott had been hinting to take their relationship to next level lately. “Maybe Scott will be proposing today”, she thought. The thought itself made her smile spread across her face. 

She parked her car at the basement, took the cake and as she was walking towards the lift, she spotted Scott’s car parked a few cars away from her car. 

“Scott is here?” she whispered to herself. Confusion flooded her mind. Scott was a working person. 7 years older than her. He should be in his office by now but his car was here. 

“Maybe he is going to surprise me instead?” the thought swept away the confusion and she giggled like a small girl getting candies. 

Humming happily, she could not wait to see Scott. She entered the lift and pressed the button to Scott’s apartment. Scott lived alone. His family were killed in a car crash and Scott was the only one who survived, saved by a samaritan who happened to be a doctor. 

The lift door opened and Lilly could not contained her excitement anymore. She had been away for 1 week to Iceland. Expectations playing in her mind. “Is Scott going to propose me? What is Scott doing home early? Is he waiting for me? Will he be happy with my little birthday surprise? Will he hug me in his bear hug when he see me? Does he miss me like I missed him?”

She took out the spare keys Scott gave her. She had to be discreet if she wanted to surprise Scott, she crept into the house like a buglar. She was taking a deep breath when she noticed there were 2 pairs of men shoes and another 2 pairs of heels at the entrance. 

“Looks like we have companies aren’t we?” she thought again. She hid behind the wall and heard a serious tone talking.

” The wedding will go on son. You had delayed this for too long,” 

Then a familiar voice hits Lilly’s ears. Scott’s voice.

“How about Lilly dad? I can’t break things off with her. Cecelia agreed to wait until Lilly is okay.”

Okayyyy… Which Cecelia is this?

A soft female voice joined the conversation.

“Scott… I do agree we can wait until Lilly is mentally okay but…” 

Before the soft voiced lady finished her sentence, another female voiced interrupted her.

“Cecelia is pregnant son. We should not wait any longer. You had been engaged for 3 years for God’s sake!” 

An eerie silence filled the air. Lilly clenched her fist and tried to control her breathing. Scott cheated on her. Scott was engaged while they were dating. Now Scott will get married to this Cecelia girl and left her. Guess Lilly was the one who get the surprise after all. 

Somehow Lilly still had a small ray of hope. Hoping all she heard was just an imagination. Hoping Scott will refuse the marriage. Hoping all 6 years they spent together would change Scott’s mind. She never want to share Scott.

“I will marry her if that is the case.” Scott answered.

“Very well son. I know you will make a wise decision this time around. Cecelia is mentally normal after all.” the gruff voice replied.

Just like that… Just like 6 years were useless. The small ray of hope vanished. It was like witnessing a house you built with your sweat and blood for years had burned down into ashes in the matter of minutes. 

Lilly left the house discreetly. Soon tears streamed down her face. She went to her car and drove home. Her mind was a mess. A not good sign.

Storm is raging in her. Angry. Frustrated. Sad. Betrayed. Lied. Jealous. The feelings mixed wildly inside her, prompting her other side to emerge. A side she did not want to acknowledge. A side she successfully hid for years. A side only Scott and Lilly knows. 

That night, Lilly drove to Scott’s apartment again. She wanted explaination. She will be that kind and considerate girlfriend. She wanted Scott to tell her he was forced. Anything to ease the swelling pain inside. Any excuses Scott gave, she will accept it unquestioning. Just please do not tell her Scott willingly engaged to Cecelia, that will be the final straw.

She stood at the front door and slipped the key into the doorknob. She entered the apartment and stand at the doorway. The apartment was dark, but Lilly saw two pairs of shoes. A male and a female. Scott was not alone. She tiptoed towards Scott’s bedroom, trying to be as queit and swift as a ninja.

The door was slightly open. Lilly peeped through the slight opening and what she saw, broke her heart. Scott was cuddling another woman. “I will love you till the end of my life Cecelia. This baby is the best birthday present for me.” Scott said.

She saw her and she changed. The devil inside her smirked. Well Scott, your end of life is here.

2 days later

A lady in black was waiting for her flight. She surfed the internet and clicked on a news portal website. A news title attracted her attention. 

A luggage full of human parts was discovered today at Thames River.

The lady in black chuckled. “Well Lilly, let us just agree we hate to share since we were born.” 

Therefore, Cecelia lived happily ever after.

-CKB

A/N: Sorry for any grammatical error. 

My Sun & Stars

Through thick

and thin,

we dealt

together.

Sandy storms

and prickly stones,

we trampled

upon.

We cried

and we laughed,

through it

all.

You,

my clown

to make me

laugh.

You,

my crown

to make me

shine.

You,

my sun

to burn my

night.

You,

my stars

to sparkle me

bright.

I,

your moon,

your favourite

sight.

                                                                      – Mia